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Baby Elias

May 9, 2026moremarsh2 Comments

This is not the pregnancy announcement I had imagined.

I was 12 weeks pregnant and began experiencing complications that were unknown. I called the OB after hours line and they told me to come in the office first thing the next day. The nurses on the line didn’t seem overly concerned so Tyler decided to go to work the next day and my friend, Lindsay, would come with me to my appointment.

I had heard a lot of other women’s stories by the time I went in around noon — stories of women experiencing the same complications I was and their babies were fine. I was still concerned (I mean, I think every first time pregnant mom is concerned about everything) but I also had this odd peace that it really was going to be ok.

And it was! The nurse told me it was likely a blood clot behind the placenta and that was totally normal. It happens to 1 in 10 women and it will go away on it’s own in a few days. They did an ultrasound, found the baby and the heartbeat, and I got to see our baby wiggling and jumping and moving in me! And my best friend got to see the baby too! It was honestly so special for her to be there for this moment, and I was so relieved that the baby was safe. I immediately texted Tyler to tell him that everything was good and sent him the photo below (which would end up being the last photo of our baby).

The next day I would head back to the OB for my regular 12 week appointment. They were going to check on a few more things and run all of the normal 12 week blood tests. But I continued to experience the same complications through the night, and some of my symptoms began to change. All I had to go on was that the nurses said our baby was ok, so I was trusting that was still true. There was no way for me to know what was about to happen.

Tyler and I met at the OB office after his school day for our 12 week appointment. We spent time talking about the day and how I finally felt like I had some normal energy back…I even did 3 loads of laundry! We made plans for a date night after our appointment and planned on sharing our exciting news more broadly over the weekend.

Then we were called back to the ultrasound room. I was excited to see our baby again and for Tyler to get to see the baby wiggling and moving around like I had the day before. The nurse was having a hard time finding the baby so she switched to the vaginal ultrasound. We could see the screen the whole time. It looked different than the times before, but I wasn’t a nurse so I had no idea what type of images I was even looking at.

After about 2 minutes of the nurse looking and taking a few pictures and zooming in, she looked at us and said the most horrible and devastating words I have ever heard, “I’m so sorry. There is not a heartbeat.”

In that moment, my whole heart shattered into pieces. My body didn’t know what to do other than to cry and scream and mourn and ask “How did this happen? The baby was fine yesterday.” And then I cried more and more and more. Tyler was a rock in this moment and I can’t imagine being in that room without him. He just held me as I continued to ask “Why God? Why?” The nurse left us with a box of tissues and went to get the doctor so she could talk with us more.

It really didn’t feel like real life. There were moments when I was pregnant and had a hard time believing there really was a baby in me, but then I would feel nauseous or tired and know exactly why I felt that way. And if that wasn’t enough, we had a pregnancy test and ultrasounds to remind me that I was pregnant. But this was a whole new feeling, a feeling that I have never felt before and one that I hope no one ever has to experience. Going from extreme joy of becoming parents in November to extreme sorrow over never having met our child is a grief that I truly cannot explain.

The doctor came in, confirmed that not only was there no heartbeat but the water around the baby was gone. I still don’t know exactly when or how that happened. We walked to another room and the doctor let us process for another 15 minutes or so alone. All I could think of was how we were going to have to tell our sweet family about their grandchild, nephew, and cousin. That felt like the hardest thing I would ever do in my life.

And yet, in our darkest moment ever, the Lord was present. My first reaction was to cry and scream, but my first thought was “God gives and takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord.” The Lord had given us this child. We had called this child a little miracle from the moment we found out. And the Lord was the only one who could have saved our child. There was nothing I could have done. And there was nothing the doctors could have done, even if it would have happened while I was there the day before. They don’t know why this happened, and honestly know very little about why miscarriages happen in general. They just know miscarriages happen, even at 12 weeks. Our doctor reminded me that likely this would have been a very unhealthy pregnancy and so it is good that this happened when it did. That doesn’t make it easier, but that is likely true and I am so glad that our baby never had to experience the pain on this earth that we are having to experience now.

I was never angry with God. Neither was Tyler. I was so proud of us in that moment that neither of us were instantly against God or frustrated with Him for taking our baby. Instead, we both experienced this deep deep trust. We knew that God was in control. We knew that God knew what was best. We knew that God loved us. We knew God was not surprised by this event. From the moment of conception, He knew this would be our story and our baby’s story. And He allowed it to happen.

Consider it a great joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you experience various trials, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing. — James 1:2-4 (CSB)

An Aside: I often experience the Lord in visions and pictures. A few months back (before we were pregnant) I was given an image of me and Tyler with Jesus. We were walking through a field, headed towards the mountains, but it was raining. And there was this feeling that it would be raining for a while. If you have ever been camping or hiking in the rain, you know that it really is a drag to be out there in the rain. It is tougher than it seems because there is just no shelter in the wilderness from the rain. A month or so after this vision, we got pregnant! I thought that maybe for the first time this image was wrong. It didn’t feel like rain, it felt like warmth and light and joy! There was new life coming to our family! In reality, God was preparing us for this from the very beginning. And I really can’t explain it other than God. This image doesn’t make the pain go away or the grief any easier, but it does help me remember that God is always and has always and will always be with us… through every single storm.

The doctor scheduled me for a D&C surgery on Monday (it was Friday). That felt like a long time away, but it was the soonest they could get me in with their surgery team. We spent another few minutes in that room, praying and crying out to God. We knew that He was our only refuge, our only hope, and that our baby was already with Him in heaven. Our baby was safe with Jesus.

I texted my two best friends on the drive home and told them the news. They came over immediately with flowers and hugs and prayers. They were in shock as we were but they were ready to help us. The thing I dreaded was telling everyone the news. I made a list of people who knew I was pregnant on my phone and asked if they could start sharing with these people so we could call our families. Those were the hardest calls we have ever had to make. Telling your parents that their grandchild is with Jesus is something that I hope I never have to do again.

We were immediately surrounded with texts and prayers and visitors and food. It really was overwhelming the amount of love and care we felt that day… and honestly every day since. Our friends set up a meal train for us so we could have space to grieve and process and pray and cry and rest. And people started showing up at our home to give us a hug or drop off a gift.

The next few days were just as hard. Going to sleep and waking up each morning to the same reality is tough. I wanted to wake up and for this to all be a dream, but it wasn’t. Tears continued to flow throughout the day as more people learned of our loss. I wasn’t experiencing the same level of complications but they were still happening. I made it through Saturday and then on Sunday morning at 12:30am I began cramping again and immediately knew we had to go to the ER.

Once they started an IV and pain meds, things got better on my end. I was able to relax a little knowing that the doctors and nurses were there to help me. The nurses were some of the most kind and compassionate people I think I have ever met. Many of them were sympathetic towards us saying things like, “I’m so sorry you are experiencing this” or “I have been through this too, and I am so sorry.” They were helpful and kind, and it was truly a gift from the Lord.

I was rolled into an ultrasound room so they could see more of what was going on. Again, the nurse was incredible — so kind and helpful and patient with me. She spent a while doing another ultrasound and taking a lot of pictures. I went back to my room and soon the nurses came in to tell me that they hadn’t found any signs of the baby in me. All they could find was tissue from the placenta.

I would be asked about 5 times from this moment on if I had seen the baby or felt the baby come out of me in the previous days. This was honestly my worst nightmare — I didn’t want to see our baby. And although there was one moment on Saturday when it could have been the baby, I still don’t believe what I felt was big enough for a 12 week pregnancy. Because of this, we are choosing to believe that God did a miracle in me. I believe that God took our baby out of me miraculously because He knew that I couldn’t handle more trauma. This is hard to swallow because it means we can’t do chromosome testing to understand what happened and we won’t ever know what gender our baby was. But I still believe it was better this way and that God was saving me from even more heartache.

The night before, I had told Tyler that I thought of a few other names to consider. We had names picked out for our baby already, but now we wanted a special name. We had a girl name picked but honestly, it just didn’t feel quite right. I had decided to start writing down boys names on Saturday night and shared those with Tyler. When we learned that the baby was already gone, we knew the name would be Elias which means “my God is Yahweh.” In the ER we would name our baby in hopes that his story would bring more people (maybe even just one person) to know that there is one true God and His name is Yahweh.

An Aside: Yahweh is the name of God that is first mentioned in Exodus. It’s the name the Israelites would use for God as they experienced incredible amounts of pain, loss, trials, and wilderness. Yahweh is the name of God that reminds us that God always has been and always will be — He is the God who is, and was, and is forever! THIS is the God we trust in. THIS is the God who holds our baby. THIS is the God who was holding us.

When the surgeon arrived around 5am, he was also so incredibly kind and helpful. He explained what was going to happen and how the nurses had already done a lot of his work. (They had done some pre D&C work while I was awake in the ER, which was it’s own kind of pain but again, the nurses never left my side and neither did my husband.) My body had done a lot of the work on it’s own so my D&C was going to be quick and easy since he was simply going to clear out the remaining placenta tissue.

This was the first major surgery I would have with full anesthesia. I was nervous but also ready to be past this part of our story. The surgery was quick and then I was awake again a few hours later. The first thing the nurse said to me was, “Are you a runner?” She had been watching my resting heart rate and noticing it was really low… the immediate tell of an endurance athlete right there. haha! But it was nice to talk about something I loved for a few minutes as I continued to wake up. Soon Tyler would be with me and we would head home.

My physical recovery has been really simple and easy. I’m back to running (very slowly and low miles…don’t worry mom) and have felt good. The emotional recovery is what is going to take a long time for me. There are moments when I feel like I can make it through anything and moments when I feel so fragile. I have a feeling this is going to be a norm for me for a while as I ride the waves of grief.

Through it all, it has helped me to talk about my experience and our baby Elias. It helps me to have times of grieving with others and times alone to process. It helps me to share what has happened and to hear other people’s stories. The more I have shared, the more women have told me, “I’m so sorry…. me too.” And each time I hear that, my heart breaks for them. This is a new level of pain that I have never experienced and knowing that so many friends have experienced this too is simply heartbreaking. This is not how it’s supposed to be. Death is not a friend. All of them have healthy children now, which is encouraging to me. And yet, I fear that this may not be our story. Since we cannot do any testing on our baby, we don’t know what happened and we can’t really know if this will happen again.

If you see us or think of us in the coming days, weeks, months… even years… here is our prayer request: Pray that we would grieve the loss of Elias, but not without hope. Pray that we would be able to have a healthy baby in the future. Pray that we would not be afraid of the unknown but rather would trust God with the unknown. And pray that Elias’ story would bring even just one person to saving faith in Jesus.

If you have made it this far, thank you for reading our story. And to our incredible friends and family — both near and far — thank you. You have been a safe place for us, an encouragement in the darkest days, and a steady presence in the waves of grief. There are not enough words to express our gratitude.

One Last Note: Our baby Elias is safe with Jesus now. We have full confidence that he is in heaven with Jesus right now and one day, we will get to meet our boy. We have gratitude that our Elias didn’t experience the pains of this world as we have. And we have hope that one day, Jesus will return, making all things new. He will wipe away every tear from our faces because death will be no more. Death is an enemy. And yet, we do not grieve and mourn and cry without hope. Our hope is secure in our Savior — who experienced pain and death on our behalf so that one day we can experience the fullness of joy with Him!

Matthew 19:14 has been our verse in these days as we have been reminded that the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to the children. The Kingdom of Heaven belongs to children like Elias.

Jesus said, “Leave the little children alone, and don’t try to keep them from coming to me, because the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” — Matthew 19:14 (CSB)

We will always miss our baby. Grief will hit at random times and I will choose to ride the waves as they come. We know our family and friends will miss our baby too. But we will always be the parents of Elias, and a little family of three. In every moment, we choose to continue to proclaim the name of the Lord… Yahweh is our God.

These are the verses I have clung to the most tightly. I pray they might encourage you if you have experienced the loss of a child, or that you might use these to encourage a friend who goes through this experience.

Psalm 34:18 The Lord is near the brokenhearted; he saves those crushed in spirit.
Revelation 21:4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more; grief, crying, and pain will be no more, because the previous things have passed away.
Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, a helper who is always found in times of trouble.
Psalm 48:14 This God, our God forever and ever —he will always lead us.
Psalm 119:28 I am weary from grief; strengthen me through your word.
Isaiah 26:3-4 You will keep the mind that is dependent on you in perfect peace, for it is trusting in you. Trust in the Lord forever, because in the Lord, the Lord himself, is an everlasting rock!
Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.
Job 1:21b The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.
Isaiah 25:8a When he has swallowed up death once and for all, the Lord God will wipe away the tears from every face.
Matthew 19:14 Jesus said, “Leave the little children alone, and don’t try to keep them from coming to me, because the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”

A liturgy for those who have experienced a miscarriage or stillbirth. This is one of the most beautiful things I have read in our dark days, and it has been a helpful way to put our feelings into words. Here is the link.

We will always love you, Elias.

The Boys in the Boat – Book Recommendation

October 19, 2024October 14, 2024moremarshLeave a comment

The Boys in the Boat quickly became one of my all time favorite books and is a top recommendation for me. This is the story of the 1936 USA Olympic rowing team and their journey to Berlin. I will admit that the book starts out pretty slow, and there are a lot of names and stories introduced that can be hard to track with. So don’t be discouraged if you open the book and feel less than drawn in for the first few chapters.

Once the story picks up and you know more about the main characters, the story gets fascinating. Not only are you following along with the boys, but there is a ton of history about Berlin and the Nazi’s that is introduced throughout. The way this book is written keeps you present with the present world scene, and at the same time, so so so nervous for the boys in the boat.

I will keep this recommendation short because the book is worth the read, from beginning to end, and I don’t want to spoil it. I know this is a historical book so you could just as easily find a short blog about this incredible team, but it will not invite you into the boat in the same way this book does.

And please read the book before seeing the movie. The movie is good but there is a TON of backstory, history, and detail left out of the movie. I enjoyed the movie but I would rather read the book again.

In one word, this story is INSPIRING. It inspires the reader to live with the boys in the ups and downs of each season. The ways the boys had to work together and not give up will inspire you to also work with those on your “team” and to never give up… even when the odds are stacked against you.

Cirque of the Towers

September 6, 2024moremarsh1 Comment

The fourth year of summer backpacking trips, and this was maybe the best one yet! The Cirque of the Towers is a 23 mile loop in Wyoming, with two passes and endless lakes. This trail was a really beautiful place to spend a few days out of the heat and poor air quality that Colorado was experiencing this summer. It was definitely a trek to get there, but well worth it!

Packs on! Ready to rock and roll!

We drove to the trailhead on a Wednesday morning starting around 6am and made it to the trailhead before noon. We made sure to stop at the last gas station to get snacks and gas before we would be out of service for several days. (And we were glad we stopped for gas because we likely wouldn’t have made it back if we didn’t go with a full tank of gas.)

The first day was a fairly chill day of hiking, though it was a long day with a 6 hour drive. Once we made it to the trailhead, we hiked for about 7.5 miles. It was an elevation gain of 1,200 feet but it felt mostly gradual and flat. This took us about 4 hours to complete and then we went to work setting up tents, unpacking food, and making dinner for the night. The first night is always the hardest because you have to fit the most food back into your bear can and you are just not into the rhythm of setting up camp yet. So the set up of our tents and getting settled took a little longer than normal, but it was nice to be back on the trail and at a beautiful lake!

Campsite at Marm’s Lake the first night.

BUT THE STARS that first night were incredible! We have been lucky to have some really awesome sky views on several of our backpacking trips, and this was another great night! I highly recommend bringing a friend who has to get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom so that they will wake you up and tell you to come look at the stars. It will be 1000% worth it. Promise. The pictures below are good but still don’t capture the magnificence of the stars in the middle of nowhere!

The second day was our easy day with a short 4 mile hike and a 500 foot elevation gain. So we took an easy and slow morning, and then spent the day chilling by our new home near Shadow Lake. We absolutely loved this lake! It was so peaceful! Plus, there weren’t a ton of people camping around that area, so we had plenty of space. We enjoyed the afternoon and evening, as we prepared for our big day next.

Day 3 was our hard day – 2 passes, 7 miles, and over 2,000 feet of elevation gain. …except that it ended up being closer to 9.5 miles and 2,500 feet of elevation gain. You see, the day started out well. We got all packed up and ready fairly quickly (for a crew of 7) and headed to the passes. We knew we needed to pack enough water to get over both passes because the water at the lake in the middle of the passes (Lonesome Lake) was not drinkable even with a filter. We also knew that we were likely going to have all sun and no clouds again, so we wanted to get up and over those passes sooner rather than later.

We made it to the base of the first pass at a decent time, but took a short break where we learned that there was a missing mom and 2 daughters somewhere. We thought we saw them with our binoculars but it turned out to not be them. (Long story short… it all turned out ok and everyone was found and reunited, but it did take some of our precious cool-air morning time. But we are so glad they are okay!) The first pass, Texas Pass, was definitely the hardest one. We spent a lot of time getting up and over this pass. There was a little bit of a snow field still left on the other side that we had to cross but it wasn’t terrible.

We made it to the bottom of Texas Pass and to the lake we couldn’t drink from. We decided it was time for lunch. We found a few shady trees and took a little bit of a break. It was getting really hot at this point so we really enjoyed the shade. Most of us put on more sunscreen and long sleeves after lunch so that we wouldn’t get too burned.

The second pass, Jackass Pass, was not as hard to get over though it was hot. Once we got over this pass, we headed down to Arrowhead Lake… and this is where things got tricky. There were two directions we could have taken: (1) up, around, and over the lake or (2) in the shade through the boulder field. We obviously chose the boulder field because we were so done with the sun at this point in the day. It didn’t look too terrible, but once we got into it, we realized there was not a way over the boulders with our packs on. This was devastating. We had spent so much time already over on this side of the lake and now we needed to filter more water and go the long way, adding another 2.5 miles to our journey. We were not excited.

Once we regrouped and decided to go around, the only thing we could do is to just keep going. There was not another option and we needed to make it past this lake and the next lake before arriving at our destination for the night. It was long, and hot, and honestly really not enjoyable at all. But we made it… eventually. The only bummer was that by the time we made it to Big Sandy Lake, it was about 7pm and all the good camping spots were taken. So it took us a while to find a spot where we could all fit and ended up hiking to the far side of the lake.

Overall, day 3 was beautiful but also really long and tiring. I don’t know how we could have split it up any more than we did, but I am glad we made it. We were all so glad to finally be at the campsite. Plus it was finally a warm night (maybe even too warm). It was nice not to have to shiver all night in the cold though!

Our final day was a quick 5.5 mile hike out and all downhill. It was a very easy hike out which was nice. And then we headed straight to Big Sandy Lodge to get burgers! We loved that they had a lodge right by the trailhead because the next place for food would be several hours away. They were so kind and it was some really great food!

As a whole, I would recommend the Cirque of the Towers and I would do it again some day too! Some people do this trip in less time than we did, but I enjoyed getting time at each lake and time to slow down a little. Backpacking trips always make me so thankful to God, who created all of these beautiful places for us to explore!

The heavens declare the glory of God, and the expanse proclaims the work of his hands. Day after day they pour out speech; night after night they communicate knowledge. — Psalms 19:1-2 (CSB)

Mountains & Valleys

March 23, 2024March 22, 2024moremarsh2 Comments

People often talk about the “mountain top experience” as the epitome of life. Its the best experience you could have! I think everyone will have a handful of these types of experiences where something incredible happens and completely changes your life.

But the reality is that most of our lives are actually spent in the valleys, in the mundane, in the everyday Tuesdays. And I think there is just as much beauty in the valley as there is on the mountain. Sure, the mountain gives you a new perspective, but you have to go through the valley in order to get to the mountain.

This summer, we backpacked in some of the most beautiful places in Colorado. As we hiked and hiked …and hiked… I contemplated this concept of mountains and valleys. Each time we got to a peak, I looked out and saw the valley we had trudged through. We had sometimes spent hours walking through these valleys that seemed to never end. Valleys that were often filled with a chilly wind that was relentless, or bugs that stuck to our faces and necks and arms without letting go, or rocks and uneven ground that was tedious, treacherous, and tough. But from up here, on the top of the world, on the mountain peak… the valley looked beautiful. It was wonderful and magnificent and perfect. We could see the green trees, lakes, and rivers and that was simply stunning! Sitting up here on the mountain, it seemed easy to forget the effort and endlessness of the valley which we had just traversed for a good portion of the day. We had made it to the summit!

And as we sat on the summit peak, I realized that sometimes you need to climb up the mountain just to see the beauty of where you were and how hard you worked. The view of the valley from the mountain top is what makes the mountain top experience so great. It’s understanding what it took to get out of the valley and up the mountain. That’s where the real beauty is.

The summit is never really the goal. (And I love myself a good summit!!) But the summit isn’t the end, in fact, the summit is typically only the halfway point. And each summit I reach there is a valley below that calls out and says, “Look how hard you worked to get here and look where you are now.”

The mountain top experience is about the person you are becoming as you climb. And for me, this is becoming a person who doesn’t give up, a person who knows that it will be hard and yet it will be worth it, a person who wants to learn how to be present even in the hardship and pain, a person who continues to lean on and trust the Lord even in the hardships of the valleys of life.

Last year held some difficult things for me, and in the moment they didn’t look beautiful. In the moment they seemed hard, and ugly, and painful. But as I catch my breath, as I continue to work at mental health, as I climb out of anxiety and depression… I can begin to see the beauty of the valley. And I can see where I was and the long hard road it took to get to where I am now. And I can see how God never left me alone in the valley, but rather continued to give me grace and rest each step of the way.

The Bible talks about the Christian life as being transformed one degree at a time. One degree is not a lot, but once you start to add these degrees up, it is much easier to see where you were! One step at a time. One degree at a time. That is the type of healing and the type of life that God has for us. Yes, he works in the big moments as well, but more often, he is simply with us in the everyday, long, and hard valleys of life.

And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.
2 Corinthians 3:18

There is beauty in growth. There is beauty in hardship. There is beauty in seemingly endless seasons of anxiety. But sometimes, you have to keep taking one step at a time to get to a place where you are awarded with some perspective. Others might not see how hard you have worked or the valleys you have trudged through, but you have made it, dear friend. And the journey is not over at the summit. In fact, it is just getting started!

2023 Book List

January 19, 2024January 19, 2024moremarshLeave a comment

Here are the books I read in 2023… in no particular order:

40 Questions About Interpreting the Bible (Plummer)
Getting the Message: A Plan for Interpreting the Bible (Doriani)
How to Read and Understand the Biblical Prophets (Gentry)
Christ from Beginning to End (Hunter and Wellum)
Live No Lies (Comer)
The Magicians Nephew (CS Lewis)
The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe (CS Lewis)
The Abolition of Man (CS Lewis)
Natural Law (Haines & Fulford)
IMB Foundations
Liberty for All: Defending Everyone’s Religious Freedom in a Pluralistic Age (Walker)
An Introduction to Biblical Ethics (Jones)
Evangelical Ethics: Issues Facing the Church Today (Davis)
Missions: How the Local Church Goes Global (Johnson)
Introducing Christian Mission Today: Scripture, History, and Issues (Gohen)
Godly Dating 101 (Grey)
The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (CS Lewis)
Your New Playlist (Acuff)
Denali’s Howl: The Deadliest Climbing Disaster on America’s Wildest Peak (Hall)
Ascent into Hell (White)
God Has a Name (Comer)
Counterfeit Gods (Keller)
Gospelize (Stier)
The Bible … in it’s entirety!

On Hope.

September 9, 2023moremarshLeave a comment

Hope. We all hope for things in life. Some hopes come true while others do not. Often, when we use the word “hope” we mean the feeling of an expectation in life or the desire for a specific thing to happen. We use the word “hope” more like wishful thinking… hoping, wanting, desiring, wishing for all our dreams to come true. But the thing about hope on earth is that it’s never promised and never certain. Hope that is not fulfilled leaves you hurting, hopeless, and heartbroken.

Recently I experienced the loss of hope. Specifically, I had hope for a relationship to flourish. Instead, it felt like it was ripped from my hands out of no where. I was left confused, sad, and broken. Hope that is not fulfilled is one of the worst feelings in this life, and in its wake are broken hearts, sloppy tears, and sleepless nights.

And yet, as I sat and contemplated this loss of hope, I was reminded of a hope that is certain, unfailing, and sure. In this life, we have one hope that will never leave us unfulfilled, hurt, or abandoned. This is the hope of Christ’s return!

“Our hope isn’t that nothing bad will ever happen to us. Or that everything that does happen to us is ‘the will of God.’ Our hope is that no matter what happens to us, Jesus is back from the dead, and anything is possible.”
John Mark Comer

The hope of Jesus coming back is something that is certain. It is sure. It will happen. It’s a hope that we can go to the bank on. We can bet all the chips. We can go all in. And this hope is good.

We can be certain of this hope because of the person this hope is based on. This is a hope that is based on the one and only creator God. He is a promise-keeping God. His character proves that He will keep his word. He has never once left us unfulfilled or abandoned. He has never failed us and he never will. And because of who He is, we can trust that His promises are steady, certain, sure, and true.

“To the Scripture writers, hope is the absolute expectation of coming good based on the character of God.”
John Mark Comer

And in this hope, we rejoice! We rejoice because in this world we will experience pain, loss, suffering, tears, and hurt. We will break promises and promises given to us will be broken. We will experience hope unfulfilled. We will be left wondering if God truly has our best interests in mind or if He even cares.

And friend, I can tell you… He does. He is good. In fact, all he can be is good. It doesn’t always feel like he is, but history and his word tell us what is true. Our God keeps his promises to the very end. And we demonstrate our trust in the promises of God when we put all our faith in this good God. He is faithful to the very end, and our faith is what holds this hope secure.

So go all in on him. He is for you. And in him, your hope is secure.

Don’t lose hope because someday HE IS COMING! Our King is on the move.

“Now faith is the reality of what is hoped for, the proof of what is not seen.”
Hebrews 11:1

“Now may the God of HOPE fill you with all joy and peace as you believe so that you may overflow with HOPE by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
Romans 15:13

“Rejoice in HOPE; be patient in affliction; be persistent in prayer.”
Romans 12:12

2022 Book List

January 1, 2023moremarsh2 Comments

Here’s the list of books I read this year: (in no particular order)

Mere Christianity (Lewis)
Now, Discover Your Strengths (Buckingham & Clifton)
Dead Mountain (Eichar)
The God Who Goes Before You (Wilder & Jones)
The Conviction to Lead (Mohler)
Leadership in the Christian Perspective (Irving & Strauss)
The Art of Virtue-Based Transformational Leadership (McCloskey & Louwsma)
The Master Plan of Evangelism (Coleman)
40 Days in the Psalms (Betts)
The Road Back to You (Cron)
Amos (Betts)
Getting the Message (Doriani)
Christ from Beginning to End (Hunter & Wellum)
Buried in the Sky (Zuckerman & Padoan)
Controversy of the Ages (Cabal & Rasor II)
Why Should I Read the Bible? (Jones)
Urban Apologetics (Brooks)
Find Your People (Allen)
Teaching that Changes Lives (Hendricks)
Philosophy & Education (Knight)
Teaching the Faith, Forming the Faithful (Parrett & Kang)
Hear, My Son (Estes)
On Christian Teaching (Augustine)
Invitation to Evangelism (Beougher)
Tell the Truth (Metzger)
The Great Evangelical Recession (Dickerson)
Tactics (Koukle)
Evangelism and the Sovereignty of God (Packer)
Counterfeit Gods (Keller)
A Praying Life (Miller)
1, 2, 3 John & Jude (MacArthur)
He is Here (Advent Blocks)
Heaven and Nature Sing (Anderson)
Get Out of Your Head (Allen)
How to Read and Understand the Biblical Prophets (Gentry)

And a few of my favorite podcasts of the year:

The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill (Christianity Today)
That Sounds Fun (Annie F Downs)
Reconstructing Faith (NAMB – Trevin Wax)
Confronting Christianity (Training the Church)
Maverick
Rebuilders (Red Church)

Maroon Bells: Four Pass Loop

August 13, 2022August 12, 2022moremarsh1 Comment

We headed out for our next adventure early on a Wednesday morning, after staying up way too late the night before trying to fit everything into our bear canister. (If I’m honest, one of the hardest parts of this whole trip was figuring out the logistics of passes and transportation. We had to get our bus pass early in the year, but we still had to figure out parking and transportation to the actual bus location at Maroon Bells. It felt like a lot for such a popular hike.)

Anyways, we made it to the Maroon Bells bus location with extra time to sit and rest before our 4-day, 3-night adventure truly took off. The bus ride itself felt like Disney World as the overhead speakers gave us background information on the mountains, animals, waterfalls, and rocks in the area. When we stepped off the bus our jaws dropped. We hadn’t even started our trek into the mountains and we were already stunned by the majesty of the mountains.

The first day was full of a lot of stops as we took pictures about every ten steps. We just didn’t want to miss anything and it was all so insanely beautiful! We hiked from the trailhead to Crater Lake and began our clockwise (CW) adventure around the famous Four Pass Loop.

(A note on direction: Everyone says that their direction — clockwise or counter– is the best…but our CW direction was definitely the best! We still aren’t sure how people did it the other way without dying, but again, I bet the CCW folks say the same about us. I still think we are right.) … 🙂

Our goal on the first day was to get as close to the first pass as possible without crossing. We knew the next day had 2 passes, so we wanted to get up a little bit into the elevation and a little further in the miles before setting up camp.

Once we hit the right miles and elevation, we started looking for a campsite and the one we found was actually perfect!! It was one of the best campsites I think we have ever stayed at. The views were unreal in every direction and we didn’t have other hikers near us at all. (Though we did have 1 or 2 deer friends who got insanely close every time we stopped watching them.)

The view from our first campsite. UNREAL.

Day one was complete, so we repacked our bear canister (seriously so hard to do on the first night…plus Parker and Hannah had a pickle situation that was kinda a nightmare…but also hilarious!!) and headed to bed. At about 1am we woke up and got to look at the stars. The moon was pretty small that night and the sky was completely clear. We could see the Milky Way cross the sky along with hundreds of thousands of stars. It was absolutely beautiful.

No iPhone can truly capture it, but here’s an attempt!

The next morning we woke up, ate some breakfast, packed up the tent and gear, and headed out for our 2-pass-and-lots-of-miles day. We made it to the top of the first pass in under an hour!

Then we began the descent through the valley and up the next pass. This was an incredible section that a lot of people do in a day. There is a trail that goes from Crested Butte to Aspen that is about 11 miles and you go over West Maroon Pass along the way. We met a lot of people doing that 11-mile trek and could follow most of the trail as it headed down the valley and into Crested Butte. But our trail eventually turned right and we headed up Frigid Air Pass, making it to the top in great time!

We headed down the pass shortly after and knew we had a lot more miles to go before we could set up camp. Our goal was to descend and get as close to the next pass as we could. The trek down was beautiful. We went through insane fields of wildflowers that absolutely blew our minds. Who knew so many different kinds and colors of wildflowers could grow in one field?! We stopped a dozen or more times to take pictures of the flowers, and this was definitely the highlight of the day. We also passed an incredible waterfall that was so tall and so loud!

We found our campsite towards the base of the next pass, right before the incline started. This site had its pros and cons for sure. One of the biggest cons was the mosquitoes and flies. They were everywhere, but they died down once the sun went down and didn’t return in the morning. The best part about the site though was the moose! There was a female (or maybe a young male) moose that hung out in the marsh right by our site that night and the next morning. It was so fun to watch it from a distance and continue to look for it in the trees and shrubs. We also had a great water-filling river on this night, including a spot to wash some of our clothes. We took full advantage of being near a river and enjoyed some good downtime after our long day.

The next day, we headed up the third pass, Trail Rider. We heard that this one was not going to be super fun, but we also knew that we were the freshest in the morning and it was the coolest time of day. We were eager to get to the top and get over the pass so we could spend time at the famous Snowmass Lake. We made it to the top of the pass in good time, though this pass was probably the hardest one for everyone in our group. Once at the top of the pass, you get an incredible view of Snowmass… and the view continues to get better as you get closer!

When we got to the lake, the clouds and light rain seemed to follow us. For a moment, it looked like we would be hiking in the rain the rest of the day. We packed up our stuff and started to leave, but then it cleared up! So we headed back to the lake with hopes of enjoying an hour or more at the lake. Thankfully, we had some good weather come in and we were able to sit and relax at Snowmass for a little while before packing up and heading closer to the base of the final pass.

Our final campsite was our least favorite, but we still found some great spots to hang out once we were set up. Plus we had an incredible meadow right by our site that was so peaceful and beautiful. We did have a little bit of an issue getting water at this site since it was really muddy, but eventually, we made it work! This was our final night on the trail and we only had one pass to go!

We called this “Parker’s Meadow” because it was his favorite part of the trip!

We got up early the next day so we could get over the pass in plenty of time. We had heard that this last pass, Buckskin Pass, was the hardest of them all and we had a time limit to get to the bus. So we headed out, fully ready to accept whatever challenges came our way.

And then… it was super easy. Like we made it to the top of the pass in record time and it wasn’t hard or technical at all. So maybe the backside going down was going to be harder? …but it wasn’t. There were a few spots of rocks, but it was nothing compared to some of our other hikes and even compared to some of the other spots on this trail. We still aren’t sure why everyone says this pass is so hard…

The rest of the way was pretty easy as it was all downhill. We made it back to the bus in plenty of time and even got to stop for lunch on the way home. Overall, Four Pass Loop is a 10 out of 10 recommend for anyone who enjoys backpacking. It is not an easy trail and you should definitely have some experience before you go, but it’s also not insanely difficult or demanding. I’m so glad we got to do this bucket-list trip and explore the beauty of the Maroon Bells!

Tactics – Book Recommendation

August 6, 2022July 29, 2022moremarsh1 Comment

There are a lot of great resources and books out there on Evangelism. But recently, I was incredibly encouraged reading the book Tactics by Greg Koukl. This is a resource every Christian should read, and I pray they are encouraged by the simplicity of sharing the gospel with others.

What I particularly enjoyed about this book was the way Koukl talked about sharing the gospel. Very quickly, he removed the pressure of sharing the gospel yet made a compelling argument to simply “put a rock in someone’s shoe.” The premise of his tactic in sharing the gospel is simply to ask good questions and get people thinking more deeply about spiritual things than they have previously.

“When I talk with people about spiritual matters, I’m not looking to close the deal with them. I’m just looking to do a little gardening in their lives. That’s all. I want to get them thinking. If I can do that, then I’m satisfied, since I know they are ultimately in God’s hands.”
Koukl, Loc 211

It can be easy to quickly get overwhelmed with the idea of sharing the gospel, especially if you have never done this before. Maybe you have been following Jesus for a while and yet you have not shared the gospel before. Maybe there is some fear you are holding on to that is preventing you from sharing with your family or co-workers or friends. That is normal but it is also a scheme of the enemy. What I love about this book is the encouragement that Koukl gives to believers to simply have a conversation. He reminds Christians that “if anyone in the discussion gets mad, you lose” (Loc 461). His goal is never to “win someone to Christ” but rather to engage in conversation.

Koukl also gives a few really simple and basic questions for Christians to ask when they are talking to others about the claims of Christ or the beliefs of Christians. Questions are a really valuable tool to use because they provide extra time and clarity in your conversation. One great question to ask is, “What do you mean by that?” This allows the other person to provide clarity in their argument and helps you understand where they are coming from. The second is, “How did you come to that conclusion?” This will help you understand why they believe what they believe and allows them to evaluate this as well.

It is clear that Koukl has a lot of wisdom and knowledge in how to have helpful discussions with non-believers and he offers a myriad of questions and tactics to practice as you share the gospel. I have tried to highlight a few of my key takeaways from this book here, but again, I highly recommend this book to all believers. I think you will be pleasantly surprised by the simplicity of his tactics, the ease of sharing, and the overall tone of his book. And I pray that this book encourages you to step out and share the gospel, not from a place of shame or disappointment for not doing this in the past, but rather from a heart of excitement and eagerness for others to truly hear about the grace and love of Jesus! “At the end of the day, a person’s deep-seated rebellion against God is a problem only a supernatural solution can fix” (Loc 3114).

Hey Sis.

July 30, 2022October 14, 2024moremarshLeave a comment

I am now 29 years old and have been working with middle and high school students in a discipleship environment since I was a teenager. I remember being one of the few high school students in our small youth group growing up, which meant I was also a leader for our middle school groups. I remember having bible studies with neighbors and leading our middle school group when I was just a junior in high school, never imaging that God would allow me to be paid to disciple students, teach the Bible, and walk with parents through these crazy teenage years.

Over these years, I have met with dozens of girls for discipleship and I have seen them all come from a variety of places in life. I have also had the privilege of getting to know them and their families so well that I call them my little sisters. These girls are an inspiration to me because of the faith they have in Christ and the desires they have to live out the gospel in this crazy world.

This new series is written for all the “little sisters” out there who need some encouragement and guidance in this world. I may not know you personally, but if you are a follower of Jesus and desire to seek him with all your heart, then this series is for you.

My hope is that this series will talk about things that are relevant to the teenager of today, begin conversations at home and with friends, and encourage the sisters we have in the next generation to live counter-cultural. This world is really hard, and life can throw a lot of things at you. But lil sis, I believe in you. And I believe that you can stand up for God in a world that seems to hate him and ignore him. I believe that you are part of the generation that will have an incredible impact on history. And I believe that God made you for a purpose to represent and reflect him in all you do.

Prayer: God, you are good, wise, and loving. You know the state of this world. You know what the next generation of leaders needs. You know how difficult it is to follow you in this world. I pray that you would send your Spirit to guide, teach, and encourage all of the young girls out there who need to hear a bit of truth in a world of lies. Go before them, and make them a generation of courage! We love you and trust you! Amen.

Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.
1 Timothy 4:12 (ESV)

Morgan Jager

Writing about God, Life, and Adventures.

Author: moremarsh