trust

Death is Not a Friend.

Morgan JagerLeave a comment

I don’t really know how to begin a new blog post after the loss of Elias.

I can tell you that some days are easier than others. There are days when things seem normal, and I almost forget all that we have been through in the last month. And sometimes, it’s nice to be back to normal life… back to work, and friends, and laundry, and vacations. (Well, maybe not laundry…) But other times I feel extreme sorrow that life is back to normal. This wasn’t supposed to be what our life was like right now. Instead of going to a post-surgery follow up appointment, we should have been going in for a 16 week appointment. Instead of recovering from surgery, I was supposed to be recovering from 1st trimester fatigue. Instead of feeling sorrow, I was expecting to feel joy as I entered the best trimester of pregnancy. Instead of getting back into shape, I was supposed to be showing a small, cute little bump that let others know I was pregnant.

Some days are just really hard, and all I think about is all we have lost. I think about our baby and how much I want to hold him and be his mom. I think about the things we won’t get to experience with our baby — the milestones of pregnancy and the joys of childhood. And then I think about the day we were told our baby didn’t have a heartbeat, how he was already gone and there was nothing anyone could have done to save him. And I just weep.

I weep because I know this is not how it’s supposed to be. Death is not a friend. Death is an enemy.

I don’t know if you can get any closer to death than having literal death happen inside of you. I had the privilege of carrying Elias in my womb for 12 weeks and 5 days alive. I remember times by myself when I would talk to our baby, telling him things like, “You got this!” on our runs. (He was with me for over 250 miles!) Or in times when I was scared or uncertain or anxious, I would remind our baby that “It’s you and me, we are in this together.” And somehow, knowing my baby was with me gave me courage and strength. And in most conversations with friends, I knew I had a beautiful little secret growing in me and that gave me so much joy and delight each day. Our baby was a gift from God and I wanted to take care of this precious miracle!

But I also had the sorrow of carrying Elias for 2 days after he went to heaven. My womb quickly became his tomb as we deeply grieved the loss of our precious gift. Death is not a friend.

But death is part of our world and it has been for a long time. In the first few chapters of Genesis we learn that death comes as a result of sin (Genesis 2:17 & Romans 6:23). Death was not part of God’s good design. In fact, not only was death not part of the design but difficulties in pregnancy were not part of the design either (Genesis 3:16). The brokenness of our world is why we experience sorrow, pain, death, tears, and miscarriage. This is not how it was supposed to be.

In the New Testament, Jesus also talks about death and even confronts it multiple times. We read about Jesus raising a girl who was dead (Mark 5:21-43). We also read about Jesus weeping over the death of his friend (Lazarus) and then raising him back to life (John 11). The story of Lazarus in particular gives me deep comfort knowing that Jesus would be here weeping with us too… because death is not a friend.

But the wonderful thing about Jesus and death is that He is the one person who has actually defeated this enemy! Jesus is the promised Messiah who was spoken of starting in Genesis 3 when sin and death were introduced to the world. God promised that the Messiah would come, conquering Satan, sin, and death. And one day, Jesus did just that. He was sentenced to death on a cross, where He took the punishment for sin on Himself. Jesus had never sinned, and yet His death offered payment for our sin. His death offered us life!

For God loved the world in this way: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. — John 3:16

Jesus was in a tomb for 3 days. And on the third day, He rose again… defeating death! And now, anyone who trusts in Jesus alone will have eternal life. This is the beauty of the gospel, and this is why we still have hope despite the death of our baby.

Death is not a friend. But Jesus has defeated death for us!

And because of Jesus’ death, burial, and resurrection, I have hope… true hope that one day, we will be with our baby again. But more importantly, that we will be with God for eternity!

As much pain as it is to experience the loss of a child, there is an infinite amount of joy knowing Who holds our baby right now. Elias is with Jesus! The first face he got to see was Jesus’ face. And I can’t imagine anything better for our baby than to be with Jesus.

My desire, amidst this loss, is that others would see the beauty of the gospel and the gift of Christ and run to Him in suffering, loss, and grief. If you have experienced miscarriage, I want you to know that there is true hope found in Jesus. Your baby is safe with Him right now and I want you to be with your baby one day in heaven. But more than that, I want you to be with God one day because He is the one who wipes away every tear, heals all the broken and sick things, and makes all things new. True hope is only found in Jesus.

Then I heard a loud voice from the throne: Look, God’s dwelling is with humanity, and he will live with them. They will be his peoples, and God himself will be with them and will be their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more; grief, crying, and pain will be no more, because the previous things have passed away. — Revelation 21:3-4

And so today, I continue to declare that death is not a friend. But oh what a friend we have in Jesus: The One who died so we could live. The One who heals our brokenness. And the One who is coming again to make all things new. Praise be to God!

On Hope.

Morgan JagerLeave a comment

Hope. We all hope for things in life. Some hopes come true while others do not. Often, when we use the word “hope” we mean the feeling of an expectation in life or the desire for a specific thing to happen. We use the word “hope” more like wishful thinking… hoping, wanting, desiring, wishing for all our dreams to come true. But the thing about hope on earth is that it’s never promised and never certain. Hope that is not fulfilled leaves you hurting, hopeless, and heartbroken.

Recently I experienced the loss of hope. Specifically, I had hope for a relationship to flourish. Instead, it felt like it was ripped from my hands out of no where. I was left confused, sad, and broken. Hope that is not fulfilled is one of the worst feelings in this life, and in its wake are broken hearts, sloppy tears, and sleepless nights.

And yet, as I sat and contemplated this loss of hope, I was reminded of a hope that is certain, unfailing, and sure. In this life, we have one hope that will never leave us unfulfilled, hurt, or abandoned. This is the hope of Christ’s return! 

“Our hope isn’t that nothing bad will ever happen to us. Or that everything that does happen to us is ‘the will of God.’ Our hope is that no matter what happens to us, Jesus is back from the dead, and anything is possible.”

John Mark Comer

The hope of Jesus coming back is something that is certain. It is sure. It will happen. It’s a hope that we can go to the bank on. We can bet all the chips. We can go all in. And this hope is good. 

We can be certain of this hope because of the person this hope is based on. This is a hope that is based on the one and only creator God. He is a promise-keeping God. His character proves that He will keep his word. He has never once left us unfulfilled or abandoned. He has never failed us and he never will. And because of who He is, we can trust that His promises are steady, certain, sure, and true. 

“To the Scripture writers, hope is the absolute expectation of coming good based on the character of God.”

John Mark Comer

And in this hope, we rejoice! We rejoice because in this world we will experience pain, loss, suffering, tears, and hurt. We will break promises and promises given to us will be broken. We will experience hope unfulfilled. We will be left wondering if God truly has our best interests in mind or if He even cares.

And friend, I can tell you… He does. He is good. In fact, all he can be is good. It doesn’t always feel like he is, but history and his word tell us what is true. Our God keeps his promises to the very end. And we demonstrate our trust in the promises of God when we put all our faith in this good God. He is faithful to the very end, and our faith is what holds this hope secure.

So go all in on him. He is for you. And in him, your hope is secure. 

Don’t lose hope because someday HE IS COMING! Our King is on the move. 

“Now faith is the reality of what is hoped for, the proof of what is not seen.”

Hebrews 11:1

“Now may the God of HOPE fill you with all joy and peace as you believe so that you may overflow with HOPE by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

Romans 15:13

“Rejoice in HOPE; be patient in affliction; be persistent in prayer.”

Romans 12:12

The Book of Job

Morgan Jager1 Comment

The book of Job has been really intriguing to me recently. If you haven’t read this book before, or haven’t read it in a long time, here’s a quick summary. Job is a righteous man. He knows and loves God, and God actually says that he is “blameless and upright.” Job also has a lot of wealth. He has sheep, camels, oxen, donkeys, servants, houses, and children. It seems like Job has it all! From here, we see Satan and God engage in a conversation, where God allows Satan to essentially curse Job. Job begins to lose everything… his animals, his houses, and even his children. Job’s health is also attacked and yet, in it all, he does not curse God. Several of Job’s friends speak into his suffering, trying to explain why this suffering is taking place. And for the most part, they believe he is suffering because of a sin he has committed. (There is a lot of dialogue here in the middle, and it’s important, but I will let you go read these interactions on your own.) Eventually, Job and God have a conversation where God reminds Job that he is not God. God affirms his own wisdom, justice, and sovereignty. And at the end of the book, God gives Job more than he started with!

As I have studied this book, a few things have stood out. First, as the reader, we know that Job has done nothing wrong or sinful to deserve what is happening to him, yet even at the end of the book, God does not explain to Job exactly why all of this suffering has happened. This reminds me that I won’t always know everything that God is doing or why certain things are happening or are not happening. And God does not owe me an explanation. Job is a really good example of living with integrity and faith. Job is tempted many times to curse God and yet, he continued to trust God and do what is right, even in the midst of the greatest suffering he has ever experienced!

Second, the book is not really trying to show that Job was righteous, we know that already. Instead, the book is pointing to the way to deal with suffering and how to hold suffering in line with a good, righteous, just, and wise God.

God’s wisdom is beyond any human wisdom. Therefore, we can trust that God is the one who does exactly what is right, in the right way, at the right time, to the right extent…always. This is what it means for God to be wise and to act in wisdom. And with this wisdom, God also acts with perfect justice. It is only because God is fully wise that he can act in perfect justice. “His justice must be deduced from his wisdom.” (Hill & Walton) We cannot fully understand God’s justice because we cannot fully understand his wisdom. God’s wisdom and justice go hand-in-hand.

God’s justice is vindicated, not by identifying a “legitamate” cause for suffering, but by demonstrating his great wisdom.

A Survey of the Old Testament by Hill & Walton

So if you are suffering, I pray that the story of Job would encourage you. We will not always know the cause of our suffering, but we can trust in a fully wise and sovereign God. God knows your pain, your hurts, your sufferings, your longings, your disappointments, your unmet desires, your heartbreak, your loss. God knows it all because he is fully wise and all-knowing. And in the midst of all of this hurt, God is still working. We may never know why certain things happen or don’t happen, and God doesn’t owe us any kind of explanation for any of it. But, I find comfort and rest in the fact that we have a God who knows us fully and loves us completely. And he does what is best, every time. I pray you can find that comfort too.

Citation: A Survey of the Old Testament by Andrew Hill & John H. Walton. Zondervan 2009.

The Pool.

Morgan Jager1 Comment

After this there was a feast of the Jews, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem. Now there is in Jerusalem by the Sheep Gate a pool, in Aramaic called Bethesda, which has five roofed colonnades. In these lay a multitude of invalids—blind, lame, and paralyzed. One man was there who had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had already been there a long time, he said to him, “Do you want to be healed?” The sick man answered him, “Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, and while I am going another steps down before me.” Jesus said to him, “Get up, take up your bed, and walk.” And at once the man was healed, and he took up his bed and walked. Now that day was the Sabbath.

John 5:1-9 (ESV)

This story get me every time. Let’s just recap this story and try to imagine what this would have been like. The man Jesus went to go see had been there for 38 years and had put all of his hope in getting into the water to be healed. Jesus saw him and he knew he had been there for a long time, and then asks the man, “Do you want to be healed?”

I can imagine the man thinking, “Well yeah! That’s why I’m here! Obviously, I want to be healed!” I’ve always thought that was a strange question for Jesus to ask a man who lived by healing waters in simple hopes that he would one day be the first in the pool to be healed. This was his reality for the majority of his life.

Anyways, the man explained his situation to Jesus in hopes that he will stay around and carry him in. He was essentially saying, “Will you carry me into the water?” The man misunderstood what Jesus was offering him. And I can imagine Jesus simply shaking his head, “no” and looking at the man with kind and compassionate eyes.

Jesus doesn’t look at the man and ask him if he wants help getting into the water. He doesn’t come to him and tell him he will carry him into the waters. He doesn’t even ask him if he knows that he is Jesus, the Messiah. Jesus is simply not in the business of helping us get things our way.

That is where I break in the story every time.

All this man wanted was to be put into the water so he could be healed. He did want to be healed but he had a limited understanding of healing, believing the only way he could be healed was through this water.

Yet Jesus said no because he had something better in mind. He knew that the waters would not truly heal this man. Jesus knew true healing would only come through him.

So he kindly spoke to the man. And instead of responding to him with “Well, I will take you to the waters” or “My disciples here will carry you to the waters” he says, “Get up, take your bed, and walk!” Jesus healed this man because He is God!

This man is told to get up, something he has never done, and to take his bed and walk. This is an indication that he is not to return to this life, he is not to return to this place to sleep. He has been healed and everything has changed!

And this is how we should be when we trust in Jesus. Everything should change. We are a new person. We have a new purpose. And we have a new hope. The man didn’t even know Jesus’ name and yet he was healed by him. 

God is kind to not give us everything we want. And he is kind to give us the things we want in ways we don’t expect. This is hard to admit though because I often feel like it is not kind when he withholds things from me or has another plan. I believe that my plans are the best and struggle to trust God in the unknowns. Yet, this simple story reminded me that sometimes God withholds things from us that seem good to us because he has something better in mind. In this story, I see Jesus withholding healing the way the man imagined being healed in order to show this man who he truly was. This was far better for the man and it is far better for us as well.

So today, I encourage you to run to Jesus with all of your trust and hope. He may not give you what you want, or he may give you what you want in another way, but we can trust that he is a good and faithful God through it all. Only in Jesus is true healing found.

The Wilderness.

Morgan Jager2 Comments

There was a time in my life when I felt abandoned, forgotten, and invisible. It was a series of events which led me to this place. This place was lonely and desolate. It was a wilderness. I felt surrounded by lies, false realities, loneliness, and sadness. 

And yet, in this place I met Jesus.

This was the hardest and driest season of my life. BUT GOD. He was with me in my wilderness. And each day, I remember coming to him…

Weak.

Frail.

Hopeless.

Needy.

Hungry.

Alone. 

Sad.

I remember coming to him because in his presence was the only place I felt true peace. In his presence I felt like I could breath again. In his presence I could finally rest. 

And day by day, as I came to Jesus for renewal, for life, and for daily sustenance…

He restored my heart.

He lifted my head.

He strengthened my lungs.

He gave me purpose. 

And then, one day, through the encouragement of some co-workers, I felt the Lord say, “Daughter, I see you. I care for you. I love you.” 

And when someone says they see you, and they really do see you for all that you are, both good and bad, both beautiful and ugly, both success and failure… you believe them, and you trust that their love for you is real. 

So she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, “You are a God of seeing,” for she said, “Truly here I have seen him who looks after me.”

Genesis 16:13 (ESV)

That day, I felt the love of God pour out on me, giving me new strength to stand, and new joy to live into! I felt like I could finally breath again as the Lord picked me up out of my wilderness. 

And now, although I am fearful of going back into a time of wilderness, I know, without a doubt, that if that is where the Lord is, then that is where I want to go. Yes, even back into the hard, the lonely, the frail, the helpless…because I know that God will sustain me with everything I need.

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock.

Isaiah 26:3-4 (ESV)

Today, maybe you need to be reminded of God’s presence, his care, his compassion. Maybe you need to hear, “I see you. I am with you.” And maybe you need to be reminded, as do I, that wherever the Lord is, that place is far better than any other place or situation void of him. 

So run to him. He will care for you and give you strength to stand and help you breath again. He is a good good Father, who deeply cares for his kids. I know this love, but do you? 

But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.

Psalm 86:15 (ESV)

You are Much More Valuable.

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25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? 28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:25-34 (NIV)

I think a lot of us need to take a moment and read through those verses slowly right now. And hey, we have the time… am I right?! So do that right now. Go back and read those verses slowly.

COVID-19 has been a disorienting and incredibly intense situation to watch unfold over the last few weeks. And yet, I just have a deeper and greater hope in the reality that God is with us, He sees us, and He cares for us.

Matthew 6:25-34 give us some really great truths to hold on to. Obviously, the main idea in this passage is “Do not worry.” Jesus is guiding his hearers to truth by pointing them to trust that God is the one who is in control and who cares for His world. He is asking His hearers to have a new perspective and understanding by reminding them that there is One True King who is Lord over all!

Jesus supports the idea of “do not worry” by talking about two examples: the birds and the flowers. These are both things that are pretty common and we see them often. Jesus says that the birds do not store up food or worry about tomorrow. They live day-by-day, trusting that they will be provided for. And God provides for them day after day after day. If God cares for the birds, who fly around everywhere, sometimes are very annoying to us, and who are not made in the image of God, how much more does He care for YOU!?

“Are you not much more valuable than they?”

Matthew 6:26b

Then Jesus tells us about the flowers, or lilies of the field. These are actually wildflowers… just simple flowers that grow in a field that no one cares for or tends to. Many of these flowers that pop up will not even be seen by the human eye! And yet, God cares for them. He sees them and calls them beautiful and valuable. How much more, friend, does God care for you…who are made in His image and lasts far longer than the flowers which wither quickly and fade away? You are so much more valuable.

“…will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?”

Matthew 6:30b

I love that in each of these examples, Jesus points our attention to our value being “much more” than the birds and the flowers. Both of these things seem so delicate and dependent. Jesus reminds us that we are of so much more value than these, helping us gain a perspective on life where God is the true King. If we understand our right position as image bearers and children, and trust God to be in charge, then we have no need of worry because we serve a good King who knows each of our needs!

The Lord was so kind to have me teach our middle school students on the verses above at our last gathering as a group for the foreseeable future. How kind is the Lord to leave those students and leaders with the message of “Do not worry” and “You are much more valuable than the birds and flowers!” Incredibly kind.

So today, I hope you hear the truths of these verses: Do not worry, for you are much more valuable than they! In the midst of constant change and alarming news, may you find security, safety, and stability in the words of Jesus, proclaimed 2,000 years ago on a mountainside across the world. Be encouraged, and set your perspective in the right place… on the One True King who is still ruling and reigning amidst it all. Then find someone else to encourage today! You are dearly loved, so do not worry.