Revelation

Death is Not a Friend.

Morgan JagerLeave a comment

I don’t really know how to begin a new blog post after the loss of Elias.

I can tell you that some days are easier than others. There are days when things seem normal, and I almost forget all that we have been through in the last month. And sometimes, it’s nice to be back to normal life… back to work, and friends, and laundry, and vacations. (Well, maybe not laundry…) But other times I feel extreme sorrow that life is back to normal. This wasn’t supposed to be what our life was like right now. Instead of going to a post-surgery follow up appointment, we should have been going in for a 16 week appointment. Instead of recovering from surgery, I was supposed to be recovering from 1st trimester fatigue. Instead of feeling sorrow, I was expecting to feel joy as I entered the best trimester of pregnancy. Instead of getting back into shape, I was supposed to be showing a small, cute little bump that let others know I was pregnant.

Some days are just really hard, and all I think about is all we have lost. I think about our baby and how much I want to hold him and be his mom. I think about the things we won’t get to experience with our baby — the milestones of pregnancy and the joys of childhood. And then I think about the day we were told our baby didn’t have a heartbeat, how he was already gone and there was nothing anyone could have done to save him. And I just weep.

I weep because I know this is not how it’s supposed to be. Death is not a friend. Death is an enemy.

I don’t know if you can get any closer to death than having literal death happen inside of you. I had the privilege of carrying Elias in my womb for 12 weeks and 5 days alive. I remember times by myself when I would talk to our baby, telling him things like, “You got this!” on our runs. (He was with me for over 250 miles!) Or in times when I was scared or uncertain or anxious, I would remind our baby that “It’s you and me, we are in this together.” And somehow, knowing my baby was with me gave me courage and strength. And in most conversations with friends, I knew I had a beautiful little secret growing in me and that gave me so much joy and delight each day. Our baby was a gift from God and I wanted to take care of this precious miracle!

But I also had the sorrow of carrying Elias for 2 days after he went to heaven. My womb quickly became his tomb as we deeply grieved the loss of our precious gift. Death is not a friend.

But death is part of our world and it has been for a long time. In the first few chapters of Genesis we learn that death comes as a result of sin (Genesis 2:17 & Romans 6:23). Death was not part of God’s good design. In fact, not only was death not part of the design but difficulties in pregnancy were not part of the design either (Genesis 3:16). The brokenness of our world is why we experience sorrow, pain, death, tears, and miscarriage. This is not how it was supposed to be.

In the New Testament, Jesus also talks about death and even confronts it multiple times. We read about Jesus raising a girl who was dead (Mark 5:21-43). We also read about Jesus weeping over the death of his friend (Lazarus) and then raising him back to life (John 11). The story of Lazarus in particular gives me deep comfort knowing that Jesus would be here weeping with us too… because death is not a friend.

But the wonderful thing about Jesus and death is that He is the one person who has actually defeated this enemy! Jesus is the promised Messiah who was spoken of starting in Genesis 3 when sin and death were introduced to the world. God promised that the Messiah would come, conquering Satan, sin, and death. And one day, Jesus did just that. He was sentenced to death on a cross, where He took the punishment for sin on Himself. Jesus had never sinned, and yet His death offered payment for our sin. His death offered us life!

For God loved the world in this way: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. — John 3:16

Jesus was in a tomb for 3 days. And on the third day, He rose again… defeating death! And now, anyone who trusts in Jesus alone will have eternal life. This is the beauty of the gospel, and this is why we still have hope despite the death of our baby.

Death is not a friend. But Jesus has defeated death for us!

And because of Jesus’ death, burial, and resurrection, I have hope… true hope that one day, we will be with our baby again. But more importantly, that we will be with God for eternity!

As much pain as it is to experience the loss of a child, there is an infinite amount of joy knowing Who holds our baby right now. Elias is with Jesus! The first face he got to see was Jesus’ face. And I can’t imagine anything better for our baby than to be with Jesus.

My desire, amidst this loss, is that others would see the beauty of the gospel and the gift of Christ and run to Him in suffering, loss, and grief. If you have experienced miscarriage, I want you to know that there is true hope found in Jesus. Your baby is safe with Him right now and I want you to be with your baby one day in heaven. But more than that, I want you to be with God one day because He is the one who wipes away every tear, heals all the broken and sick things, and makes all things new. True hope is only found in Jesus.

Then I heard a loud voice from the throne: Look, God’s dwelling is with humanity, and he will live with them. They will be his peoples, and God himself will be with them and will be their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more; grief, crying, and pain will be no more, because the previous things have passed away. — Revelation 21:3-4

And so today, I continue to declare that death is not a friend. But oh what a friend we have in Jesus: The One who died so we could live. The One who heals our brokenness. And the One who is coming again to make all things new. Praise be to God!

Never Forget

Morgan JagerLeave a comment

I was in third grade when 9/11 happened. It’s a day I will never forget and I pray our nation never forgets it either.

I don’t remember everything, I was only 8, but here’s what I do remember. I remember getting ready to go to school, like any average third grade kid…brushing the knots out of my hair, eating a bowl of cereal, and packing up my backpack. I remember that my mom typically had the news station turned on and that day was no different. I remember my mom telling me and my brother that something bad had just happened in our country. I don’t remember when I first saw the footage of the planes, maybe it was at home or maybe it was at school, but either way, I remember watching the plane crash into the first twin tower and thinking, “How could this happen!” I remember that many of my classmates didn’t come into school that day, and it had been a conversation with my mom about if we should go or not. (Living in mountain time meant everything with the attack took place primarily before school began that day.) I remember going to school and sitting in class, as our teachers watched the news with teary eyes and a classroom of kids who were simply trying to make sense of the havoc that was happening. I remember the devastation of watching the second tower get hit. I remember the sadness, heartache, and disbelief I felt as I watch the tower fall, knowing there were lives in that building that could not be saved. (That memory is the one that always gets me right in the gut.) I remember thinking that day: “How could a good God let this happen?” and “What kind of people would fly airplanes into buildings?” and “Am I safe?” and “Will those people live who were in the buildings or the planes?” I remember hearing stories for weeks, and even years, after about heroic efforts to save lives. I remember seeing the bumper stickers with the American flag saying “God Bless America” for years after this day. I remember praying to God for the safety of our nation as our world changed in a single day.

I don’t know if many people think about the impact 9/11 had on the elementary kids of 2001, but that is a day I will never forget. It’s a day I won’t forget, not just because of the tragic events of the day, the thousands of lives lost, or the pure chaos and devastation. (Those are all things to be remembered and the lives themselves deserve a whole post and more!)

But to me, it’s more than that. It’s a day I will always remember because on that day, I remember, as a third grade student, seeing a country unite around one thing. I saw a country that was united in grief. I saw a country who, even with all the different backgrounds and political agendas, was united for a moment as we grieved the loss of thousands of lives and an attack on our freedom. This is the day that made me love my country and love the people who fight for our country and my freedom. It was a day that made me really consider what freedom and being an American mean.

So today, twenty years later, I remember. I remember the lives that have been given up for my freedom. I remember the lives that were taken that terrible day. I remember the pain and the hurt we all felt that day and for years to come as we remember 9/11. I remember the unity we found as a country who grieved together. I remember that God is always in control. I remember that this is not how it’s supposed to be.

Today, I remember with hope.

I have hope in a God who is good, faithful, and true…

…in a God who always does what He says He will do…

...in a God who will return and make all things new.

I have hope.

This is a sure and steady hope… a steadfast hope. This is a hope in a God who is just, good, gracious, loving, compassionate, and more. This is hope in a God who is with us in our pain, sees us in our suffering and loss, fights for us and with us, and was also heartbroken over that tragic day.

So even though today, the twenty year mark to a day that changed our nation and our world, we might grieve and mourn over the loss that occurred, we can grieve with hope.

[4] He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

Revelation 21:4 (ESV)

[13] But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. [14] For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. [15] For this we declare to you by a word from the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. [16] For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. [17] Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. [18] Therefore encourage one another with these words. (ESV)

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18

Make Me Like Caleb.

Morgan Jager1 Comment

Today I was reading in the book of Joshua, chapter 14. In this chapter we see Caleb talking to Joshua, but first a little backstory:

Joshua and Caleb have been part of the biblical narrative at this point for a long time. They were part of the group that was sent by Moses to spy out the land. But Joshua and Caleb were unique even in that group because they were the only honest men who returned. They remained tethered to the Lord and faithful to Him. The rest of the group made the people’s hearts “melt with fear” but Joshua and Caleb remained steadfast to the Lord. They were the only two allowed to live long enough to enter the promised land. Joshua now leads the Israelites and they have just defeated Jericho along with a slew of other nations.

Now, let’s get back to chapter 14. We know (because the text tells us) that Caleb is 85 years old. Joshua and Caleb are the oldest people in the nation of Israel since all of their peers and elders were killed prior to entering the land they are now taking. So it is likely that Joshua and Caleb have this sort of power, influence, and respect from the rest of the people.

In chapter 14 we see Caleb speak with Joshua. If you have time, go and read Joshua 14:6-15. It’s worth the read. The thing that stood out to me is how Caleb described himself. In verse 8 he says, “I, however, followed the LORD my God wholeheartedly.” Wow. What a statement to make about yourself, especially in comparison to other people.

But I don’t believe this statement is proud or self-serving. This is true. Both Caleb and Joshua are described in this way by others throughout the scriptures. We even see that Moses said this about them! So we can know that Caleb is not full of pride in this moment.

As I read this statement though, I began to think, “I want to be able to say that about my life, and I want others to describe me in that way too!” How incredible would it be to live a live of following the Lord wholeheartedly and to be known by that.

I want to be like Caleb. I want to follow the Lord wholeheartedly until the end of my days. And I want others to know that the LORD is who I follow in all circumstances of life. I don’t want to follow God with lukewarm faith or with “half-trust” or with more faith in myself than in Him. No! I want a full, wholehearted trust and following all of my days!

I can’t imagine all that Joshua and Caleb went through in their lives. They saw the promised land, and then had to wait to enter it. While they waited all of their friends, parents, and other elders of the community died. They experienced a lot of loss. And yet, the Bible would describe both of these men as those who followed the Lord wholeheartedly. Clearly they remained steadfast and tethered to the Lord in some difficult times.

Today, I pray that these words encourage you as much as they encourage me. Take some time to think about what this means in your life to “follow God wholeheartedly.” What needs to change for this to be true of you?

Friends, He is worth it all. I want to give up my life to follow Jesus with my whole heart for all of my days, and I will do that without hesitation because I know that life with Him is the only way to truly live.

“You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being.”

Revelation 4:11 (NIV)